Wagons..

As you may have guessed… I went a bit off the diet wagon recently. Not a whole lot, I was still eating smaller portions but I wasn’t resisting temptations and I also wasn’t exercising a whole lot.. at all really. I’d exercise but it would be during volunteering or house cleaning. I have a bunch of excuses; some legit (had a week long silent migraine that confined me to little movement in a dark room) and some of me just being lazy.

Suddenly, it’s the end of July and my plan to walk at least one 5k a week is down the drain. Since the 4th I’ve been on the treadmill once (and then I got the week long migraine). I’m a bit disappointed in myself. Before, when I was working, I would complain about not enough time. Now I have all day and I still can’t “find time”.

So today I’m jumping back on the wagon. In the mornings I’m going to get up with Dan and have breakfast and take a 1 mile walk on the treadmill. It’s not a lot but it’ll get me moving and that’s good. Then I can do what I want and if I don’t have an interview or something in the afternoon I want to put another mile in OR play my dancing game. I’m rediscovered them the other day when I was complaining about being bored. It got me moving and I played for like an hour and a half.

I’m also tracking my food again. This time without my body media device. I stopped being accountable for exercise and would say “of well that was my exercise” when it was my normal activity. If I find that I’m not seeing results again (since my PCOS is starting to become under control) maybe I’ll use it to help increase my activity. At that point I should get a heart rate monitor but the body media I already have and can be useful.

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Don’t call it a come back..

A lot has happened!  From PCOS to being fired from my job, let’s play catch up.

First, I’m officially diagnosed with PCOS. I went to my Gyno and after some blood tests and ultrasounds (not the normal one!) it was officially confirmed. That’s good news, in a way, since we now have a treatment plan. I’m on Methformin and Yaz. It seems to be working and I’m only suffering some of the side effects, they are a bit TMI so I won’t share but that are easily managed with OTC stuff. I’ve seen some good progress with it.

After a month on the stuff I’ve broken my previous weight boundary and I am now down to 214lbs. This is exciting since I’d normally hit 215 and rubber band right back to 220. The even cooler news is this loss occurred during an extremely high stressful time that I wasn’t even working out. So Yay! I’ll but up with a lot of side effects to batter this PCOS beast if it means getting back to a manageable weight.

Fired!.png

Fired!.png (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Second. I was fired from my job, which was a blessing in disguise.  It sucked horrible but in the larger scheme of things it a great thing. It sucks because now I am unemployed and I must figure out a way to pay my bills and take care of myself but it’s great because the position was not a good fit for me and I was not a good fit for the company. Originally, I was apprehensive about this job and unfortunately my fears were justified.  I was stressed to the breaking point and that wasn’t helping my weight loss OR my workout. I completely stopped working out shortly after Go Cincinnati.  I wasn’t working out and wasn’t losing any weight and had completely stopped my 5k progress. I’m hoping that I find a position with a company that can actually use my skills soon, but in the down time I’m stepping back up my workout routine and focusing on keeping busy to keep myself sharp.

The emblem of the Knights of Columbus

Third! I completed my first 5k! Yeah, after all that talk about how I stopped working out I went and participated in my hometown’s 4th of July 5k. I jogged the first quarter of a mile and then walked the rest. It was completely embarrassing and I took 15 minutes longer then the next person but I completed it in 1hour and 41 seconds. That’s not the worst of it.  It was at 8 in the morning the temperatures were already above 80 degrees. It felt like 90+ and the humidity was high. There were no water stations left by the time I got to them (except one guy who was packing up and ran inside for water for me) and my sis-in-law came back to finish it with me after she completed her in about 28 minutes. So… kind of pathetic, but I finished and I even jogged the last 0.11 miles, ha! Now, I have a really awful baseline, but better than that, I didn’t quit. I refused to give up. I felt like I was going to pass out and faint in that heat and those hills. Every step I was thinking about calling someone to get me, but I didn’t give up. I felt great about finishing and now 3 miles in an hour doesn’t sound so hard. With my extra time I think I’m going to walk at least 1 a week (on my treadmill in the A/C, lol). See my race here with Nike+..,

PCOS, Updates, and more..

Hello my lovelies!

Well, it’s been a while! Wow, February? Dang. My punishment shall be swift! That punishment? The horrible agony of realizing I’m a really bad blogger(though technically this is wordpress. So shouldn’t that be wordpresser? ). I’m working on it. Life, as I’m sure you know, gets busy and sometimes we forget to do things. I won’t promise I’ll be amazing, just that I’ll try harder. This is more for me than anyone else anyway.

So, quick update. I haven’t lost a pound. Seriously. I’m still hovering between 216 and 220. I’ve been to the lady doctor and she thinks I have something called polycystic ovarian syndrome. Which is a very large and scary word, not as scary as “thyroid cancer” but hey, nothing’s as scary as cancer….except bears. Bears and bee’s. Bears with bee’s in their mouth…yeeeeaaahhh, that’s a bad thought.

I’m going to call it POS(They call is PCOS but POS is so much more amusing), since I’m a fan of saving time on big words when it doesn’t matter. So the Mayo Clinic, WebMD, and the government all have lots of info about POS(PCOS). It’s great information and stuff I should probably read at some point. The skinny is basically that I can’t lose weight right now, among other things. My hormone’s are apparently all messed up and it’s causing some other things I didn’t even notice to happen. The great news is that I probably don’t have a thyroid issue, but the bad news is that until I get treatment I will not shed a pound unless I burn upwards of 3k calories a day.

Which leaves me in this weird stuck place. The great thing is that I’ve stopped the weight gain, which is important. I have to continue working like I’m going to loose the weight because if I slack I will start gaining weight. That sucks, all the work with none of the results! Oh well. I’ve been told that once we figure it out I will likely start shedding pounds and that I will have to be careful I don’t drop the weight too fast. I don’t really have a problem with that.

So, that’s the weight loss update. The rest of the update is that you might see this space changing some. I’m aiming to start using this as my website/”Hey I want to talk about this” place. You, the reader, might see me doing reviews for products, or video games, or talking about things not related to weight loss. I’m trying to manage my online persona (since some people have been using my name to do not to nice things) and keep it the positive way I am, this means promoting this and other sites and I thought it might be nice to just consolidate my blog and try not to limit creative writing self and be super spread out in several blogs that I never keep up with.

In the short this means I’ll have the occasional posts talking about something not really related to weight loss, but I think a good portion of my posts will be about that and my struggle with POS for quite a while.

Psssst.. Some more links about POS or PCOS:

Weekends

Weekends are usually the little deaths of my diets. During the week I have structure and schedules that keep me distracted. No time for hesitation, just doing what has to be done to get through the day. Work all day, then dinner at 6:30, exercise at 7, WoW/SWTOR raids start at 8, and then bed by 11(If I can help it). This structure doesn’t give me a lot of down time to get bored and then eat because of that.

Weekends are generally unstructured and lackadaisical affairs that support constant snacking and eating of all bad things. I also  fall back on drinking soda on the weekends, as I tend to be too lazy to make tea to drink or water is to blah. Plus, we are more likely to eat out on the weekend and not exercise. Hence, weekends make my daily weight jump up a pound or so. That doesn’t sound bad but it undoes all of the “good” eating I’ve done all week. So I’ll lose about a pound during the week and then gain it back over the weekend.

This past weekend was supposed to be a lot like that. Nothing planned for the whole weekend but a few chores and a lot of lazy time. Friday hit with some bad news and started weekend off on a sour note. Turns out student loans are still unaffected by bankruptcy and can still destroy all plans I have for my life. Fun. BUT! Things turned around Saturday with the decision to return to school and that, coupled with a great feeling of turning my life around, kept me on a great pace to survive the weekend with minimal damage to my diet. I made it through Saturday and Sunday with minor snacking. Yay.

I was very proud of myself.

Monday rolled in and I was only up 0.4 instead of the normal pound or so. Awesome way to start the week, I was very excited that things were going my way. I wasn’t hungry all day, and I felt like I could take on the world. Monday night rolled in and I was given some devastating news. I wasn’t able to get financial aid for school and private loans are completely out of the picture. I wanted to avoid more debt if possible but was willing to do that to get my goals completed. (It helped that I wanted to get deeper into a field where 80k is about starting salary.) This dashed my high hopes from this weekend and sent me down a spiral of hopelessness that I’m still dealing with as I write.

I didn’t quite realize how much hope I was hanging on this, and so the down is a lot like a 4 year old who has just crashed from a super sugar high. Lots of crying and temper tantrums. Seriously, just because I’m 30 doesn’t mean I have to act like I’m 30 all the damn time. It’s not often I can take a night and just completely break down emotionally and cry like a crazy person. I’ve got at least 2 hours before I have to put my big girl panties on and deal with life. I’m taking advantage of getting that out now instead of later when I don’t have time to be all depressed.

So, my hard road just got a whole lot harder. What does this have to do with diets? Everything and nothing. Everything because my mood will make it harder to not say “fuck it I want a brownie” or “I don’t feel like exercise today”, which will destroy the work I’ve done this past month. Nothing because this shouldn’t (ideally) affect my ability to maintain my current goals.

I am proud that when it got bad tonight the worse decision I made was to reach for a can of Mt. Dew. So It undid a little, but that;’s better then more normal reaction, which would be to go get ice cream and eat all of it…

I try to be an optimist. It’s harder when life is being crappy, but I’ve got a lot to be thankful for. I still have a house, a Dan, and many other luxuries that many don’t have. Keeping life in perspective when it gets crappy sucks but you can either sit then and whine and let life happen to you or you can get up and keep trying. Sure, my financials will be tight for a while and life will be a bit trickier but it could be worse.

Plus… its hard to be that upset when you see the scale doing down…