Weekends

Weekends are usually the little deaths of my diets. During the week I have structure and schedules that keep me distracted. No time for hesitation, just doing what has to be done to get through the day. Work all day, then dinner at 6:30, exercise at 7, WoW/SWTOR raids start at 8, and then bed by 11(If I can help it). This structure doesn’t give me a lot of down time to get bored and then eat because of that.

Weekends are generally unstructured and lackadaisical affairs that support constant snacking and eating of all bad things. I also  fall back on drinking soda on the weekends, as I tend to be too lazy to make tea to drink or water is to blah. Plus, we are more likely to eat out on the weekend and not exercise. Hence, weekends make my daily weight jump up a pound or so. That doesn’t sound bad but it undoes all of the “good” eating I’ve done all week. So I’ll lose about a pound during the week and then gain it back over the weekend.

This past weekend was supposed to be a lot like that. Nothing planned for the whole weekend but a few chores and a lot of lazy time. Friday hit with some bad news and started weekend off on a sour note. Turns out student loans are still unaffected by bankruptcy and can still destroy all plans I have for my life. Fun. BUT! Things turned around Saturday with the decision to return to school and that, coupled with a great feeling of turning my life around, kept me on a great pace to survive the weekend with minimal damage to my diet. I made it through Saturday and Sunday with minor snacking. Yay.

I was very proud of myself.

Monday rolled in and I was only up 0.4 instead of the normal pound or so. Awesome way to start the week, I was very excited that things were going my way. I wasn’t hungry all day, and I felt like I could take on the world. Monday night rolled in and I was given some devastating news. I wasn’t able to get financial aid for school and private loans are completely out of the picture. I wanted to avoid more debt if possible but was willing to do that to get my goals completed. (It helped that I wanted to get deeper into a field where 80k is about starting salary.) This dashed my high hopes from this weekend and sent me down a spiral of hopelessness that I’m still dealing with as I write.

I didn’t quite realize how much hope I was hanging on this, and so the down is a lot like a 4 year old who has just crashed from a super sugar high. Lots of crying and temper tantrums. Seriously, just because I’m 30 doesn’t mean I have to act like I’m 30 all the damn time. It’s not often I can take a night and just completely break down emotionally and cry like a crazy person. I’ve got at least 2 hours before I have to put my big girl panties on and deal with life. I’m taking advantage of getting that out now instead of later when I don’t have time to be all depressed.

So, my hard road just got a whole lot harder. What does this have to do with diets? Everything and nothing. Everything because my mood will make it harder to not say “fuck it I want a brownie” or “I don’t feel like exercise today”, which will destroy the work I’ve done this past month. Nothing because this shouldn’t (ideally) affect my ability to maintain my current goals.

I am proud that when it got bad tonight the worse decision I made was to reach for a can of Mt. Dew. So It undid a little, but that;’s better then more normal reaction, which would be to go get ice cream and eat all of it…

I try to be an optimist. It’s harder when life is being crappy, but I’ve got a lot to be thankful for. I still have a house, a Dan, and many other luxuries that many don’t have. Keeping life in perspective when it gets crappy sucks but you can either sit then and whine and let life happen to you or you can get up and keep trying. Sure, my financials will be tight for a while and life will be a bit trickier but it could be worse.

Plus… its hard to be that upset when you see the scale doing down…

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